here it is again

I need to know

when I will fall in decay

Something wrong

with every plan of my life

I didn't really notice that you've been here

Dolefully desired

Destiny of a lie

Set me free

your heaven's a lie

set me free with your love

set me free

Oh no,

here it is again

I need to know

why did I choose to betray you

Something wrong

with all the plans of my life

I didn't realize that you've been here

Dolefully desired

Destiny of a lie

Set me free

your heaven's a lie

set me free with your love

set me free

Set me free your heaven's a lie

set me free with your love

set me free

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

thats a lacuna coil song, i burned it onto a mixed cd a day or two ago, but hell its cool song, i like it alot, i might put it on here next if i feel like uploading it from my cd, or off my bearshare. anyways last night was cool, i went to the movies, got bored walked around, bought some jelly braceletts, i got 44 now, the ones i bought are neon colors, they go nicely with my clear rainbow ones. they dont look too nice with my red and black ones though, they had some that were like checkered like nascar flags but hell i didnt really think i needed to look like a hard core nascar fan or like a "ska punk" i almost punched one at cesar creek flea market last week, cuz she thought she owned the fucking booth me n mike was in when he bought his guitar. oh well, she might have been a poser, you never know, but hell she was still stupid. lol. but anyways its geting so stupid here, i was at the movies last night and some retard was like ewww gothic mother fuckers, and calling me a freak and shit, does it really make thease lil wanna be thug/ganksters feel better when they call us freaks? cuz i can change my clothes, wash the color out of my hair and take out the rings in my ears and look halfway normal, but he will still look like a total fuck-tard. im not sure anything is gonna help his sorry ass. but hell thats over, hes into the "slut" type gurls who think dressing like the all mighty slut herself, britney spears, is so cute. i mean come on, thease pop stars are breeding sluts left and right who think if they show thier tits or have thir ass hanging out the bottom of thier shorts they will be sexy. hell id rather be looking like i just crawled out of he crypt and be "ugly" than dress like a stripper. but hey thats america ofr you, sluts and hookers are gonna be the next halloween costumes, maybe. but not all normal girls are dressing like this i saw a few who were actua;;y covered up last night which was suprising but hey i guess not all of them are hoes, i mean tee dresses like all girly but shes always covered up, shes never got her shit hanging out, lol. anyways i gotta get more mins for my phone soon, maybe thursday or something ill buy a 10$ card again. "slowly walking down the hall. faster than a canonball, Where were you while we were getting high? "

"Fear Of Dying"
||1:11 am||02/06/2004||
I'm not afraid of standing still
I'm just afraid of being bored
I'm not afraid of speaking my mind
I'm just afraid of being ignored
I'm not afraid of feeling
and I'm not afraid of trying
I'm just afraid of losing
And I am afraid of dying
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I...
I'm not afraid of being sick
I'm more afraid of being well
I'm not afraid
Put the gun in my hand
I'm just afraid it will hurt like (hurt like) hell
I'm not afraid of screaming
and I'm not afraid of crying
I'm just afraid of forgetting
And I am afraid of dying
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I...
Fear of
Fear of
Fear of
Fear of
I'm not afraid of looking ugly
I couldn't care what they say
I'm not afraid of happy endings
I'm just afraid my life won't work that way
I'm not afraid of forgiveness
I absolve you everything
I'm not afraid of lying...
But I am afraid of dying
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you all I do is sit and think about you
Without you yes I...
~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>
mmmm more jack off jill, i love jessicas voice, too bad they arent still a band or so ive heard. man today was such a bad start, i didnt get much sleep, insomnia is making me a victom again. i had a crazy dream about me getting hit by a semi truck on the highway, it spooked me pretty bad and i havent been able to sleep since about 3 this morning or so. im putting together another cd of some mellow music to see if that dont help me tonight. i feel like a zombie and my fucking eyes keep burning like ive been in the pool all day, but its the dead of winter. i tried getting a hot shower but almost feel asleep, so i turned it on cold, and that didnt help much. if i feel like shit later on and dont get a nap im prolly not gonna feel much like going out tonight. which is gonna suck because i neeed to get out of this house and have a lil fun, i was thinking about all the adults who tell me to act my age, and let stuff go, i was wondering should i act my age? should i try to not act squierely so i have no way of hiding behind my pain? i mean really no one around me knows how i really feel, i act goofy to hide my depression and suffering, i mean i vent out on here but i dont let things out unless im getting ready to fight, or if im argueing with someone, ive been trying to be nice lately, and its kinda hard but its sorta easy, like instead of ripping on people i just chill and sit somewhere, or listen to my cds, ive been playing my bros acustic lately my fingers are getting rough, which is kinda irritating me cuz they feel all yucky, hopefully i learn a new song, ive been playing someday, (the song i have on here everyday) but hopefully i learn 12:51 buy the strokes, it sounds so hard, which is cool

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞promises
||12:26 pm||02/05/2004||
I went outside to take a walk

So I could relive memories

I thought that you would lend a hand

But you were never ever there

It's all in your mind

You do what you wanna do

Your promises are all played out

You've got your wish you've worn me down

I treated you the best I could

I realize that I don't need you

I lost my way when you left home

I thought that you could change your life

What did I do why do you lie

You've walked back in my hands are tied

I'm tired I'm so damn angry

With you

Your not gonna change

I see who you really are

Your promises your promises

They're all played out

Your so played out your so played out

There all played out

~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>

adema puts me in a good mood when im down, ive been listening to stressin out, stand up, betray me, and co-dependant, like all day today, but hell i cant wait til tomorow, hopefully it dont snow or rain ice, im suposed to be either going to the movies or walking around in western hills or something. i dont know what im doing yet, what ever im doing i gotta get some cigs, i ran out last night. but shit 18 is coming closer and closer, ive got like 4 months left, its so odd.. like i feel like im still 12 but im gonna be 18, when i turn a year older how come i dont feel older? i feel the same as i did the day before, hopefully i get fucked up on my birthday, last year was cool but i walked in sober, which really sucked. but hell, the only good thing i see about my birthday is that its gonna be warm. woootness!

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞Betrayed Me
||1:09 pm||02/04/2004||
I watched you change,

and never knew

That you would be, Like all the rest

You were so true, too good to be true

I trusted you, and fell apart again

I cannot change the fact, that you're not coming back

So depressed, I'm your slave

Betrayed me

You're not the one, to be trusted with my love

Betrayed me

You're not the one, who should be trusted with my love

I had to leave, so I could breathe

I hate to fight, that's not what I want

You were so true, too good to be true

I trusted you, and fell apart again

I cannot change the fact, that you're not coming back

So depressed, I'm your slave

Betrayed me

You're not the one, to be trusted with my love

Betrayed me

You're not the one, who should be trusted with my love

::I know::

I cannot change the fact, that you're not coming back

So depressed, I'm your slave

Betrayed me

You're not the one, to be trusted with my love

Betrayed me

You're not the one, who should be trusted with my love

I cannot change the fact, that you're not coming back

So depressed, I'm your slave

~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>

this song is so me, it makes me think of all the people who i thought were cool people just turning thier back on me, or just out of nowhere acting crazy. i guess shit really does happen. school was cool, i chilled n texted people all day, we are getting a new kid in our class which might be ok.. who knows. i just hope he aint one of those snotty stuck up kids you know? like yuck get away bitch. hell if thats the case im sure tee will set him straight. i just hope karen dont come tomorrow, cuz she gets on my nerves. just hearing her voice goes through me like i just wanna kick her old bitchy ass out the door, maybe she will fall on the ice on the way in the building, that would be awesome. :)

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞so far so good
||12:42 pm||02/02/2004||
never for one single second thought that I would
find myself at the beginning but at the end
am I wasting time
pictures fading while I sing this song a million times
a million times
all that I promised to myself
another word misplaced tonight
all that I'm holding in
why am I holding in
so far so good
a picture's worth a thousand words
so far so good
a picture's worth a thousand words
forever thriving on a feeling no tomorrow
without a day of growing older I can defend
the bridge I burn this time
at constant odds with the hope that keeps me alive
keeps me alive
all that I promised to myself
another word misplaced tonight
all that I'm holding in
why am I holding in
~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>
today really didnt seem to be going anywhere, school was kinda wierd, only me n *D* showed up (how rare) it was ok, hes nice to talk to and to look at, hes cute but i guess thats all i see in him, i mean hes got a brain and hes cool, but i guess i like him as a buddy, which is cool to me i guess cuz i wouldnt mind having more friends you know? it dont matter though cuz its cool either way, but hell i called tee and shje said some hoe is writing my number in the bathrooms at her work, *sigh* some bitches just cant let go can they? but anyways i bought some blue earings that have horns on them that screw off, totally awesome, and i bought 2 lil hoops for my 4th hole in my left ear and one for my cartlege,

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞"Living In The Shadows"
||12:18 pm||01/31/2004||
Constant quick fixes, don't make no sense

Hop on bandwagons, you make me sick

Don't you tell me, what you think is right!

When you're living in the shadows

I can tell that, you have lost your sight!

When you're living in the shadows

Distant loud chuckles, keep me awake

Akward instances won't make you hip

Don't you tell me, what you think is right!

When you're living in the shadows

I can tell that, you have lost your sight!

When you're living in the shadows

We've said this all before, your shadow's at the door

We've said this all before, your shadow's at the door

There's darkness in the hall and we won't take the fall!

Don't you tell me, what you think is right!

When you're living in the shadows

I can tell that, you have lost your sight!

When you're living in the shadows

~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>

billy talent.. man last night sucked major monkey balls, i sat in the house all day, didnt get any cigs or any minutes for my phone, my text got cut off, which isnt like really really sucky cuz i only text a few people, and well the rest of the minutes went towards miranda texting her lil troll and ran my minutes down really really low, man lately my feelings have been like they got sliced with a straight razor, like you think your ok but your really bleeding to death, i guess my social scene has already hit the floor or it went back to the way it was in grade school, back to pretty much nothing, man i feel down and almost hit the water this time havent i? well if i hear a big splash ill know what happened.

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞safe
||12:25 pm||01/30/2004||
In the darkness
Troubled waters
Lies a flicker
Of homes fire
Come to your senses
Wager a risk
I won’t let go
Waiting for dreams
It’s wonderful
Reality
I watch as
This golden bird flies free
In this ash-vault
A rose garden
These walls will never
See me just to
Save me
Save me
~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>
ever feel like your trapped in your own mind? lately i have, ive been thinking alot last night, aparently tims not "so serious about getting back together" cuz his cousin felicia told me hes out running around with other girls.... i honestly dont see the point in waiting around for him, tee was right hes just playing games, its just really making me wonder and get mad at myself, why do i wanna turn back and walk down that same road when i know it dosent end well? that would be like calling up one of my friends i dont like anymore and asking them "hows it going?" knowing that an argument would stir up automaticly, but im not that stupid so why am i going back thinking somethings gonna change? he hasent changed, hes still girl crazy like he was before, always has been. people say if you really love some one you wouldnt change them for the world but its a different story when your in love with some one and you wish they would change. i guess im just over thinking this becuse i know im headed for disaster. i wish i could just stop liking ertain people in the blink of an eye, things would be so much easier, i think im just getting tired o all the drama life brings my way, i hate being all soggy all day and just feeling so unstable. man i hope the snow clears so i can go out tonight.
Pictures in a box at home
Yellowing and green with mold
So I can barely see your face
Wonder how that color taste
is it bad to not want some one you love more than anything back in your love life? beofrre i was so sure i wanted him back more than anything and now i dont want to even think about being in his pressence, is that mean? is that wrong? am i cold hearted?

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞brackish
||3:54 pm||01/29/2004||
She is not scared to die..

The best things in life drive her to cry.

Crucify then learn..

(take so much away from inside you, makes no sence,

you know he can't guide you,

he's your fucking shoulder to lean on,
be strong!)

Sit and watch me burn..

She's led to believe, that it be ok,

look at your face, scarred in dismay,

but times have changed, and so have you..

I think I'd rather crucify then learn

(take so much away from inside you, makes no sence,

you know he can't guide you,

he's your fucking shulder to lean on,
be strong!)

Sit and watch me burn..

I'd like to take you down, and show you

deep inside, my life my inner workin

so smell and lack of inner pride,

to touch upon the surface, is not for

what it seems, I take away

my problems, but only in my dreams.

(take so much away from inside you, makes no sence,

you know he can't guide you,

he's your fucking shoulder to lean on,
be strong!)

Crucify the learn..

(take so much away from inside you,
makes no sence,

you know he can't guide you,

he's your fucking shoulder to lean on,
be strong!)

Crucify then learn..

Sit and watch me burn..

~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>

i love that song, and kittie, today was kinda good kinda bad, good cuz i didnt feel like i was alone, bad cuz karen came to our school today, she made usdo a test with 41 questions on it, and every question we got wrong we had to write out the whole question and write out the whole answer instead of just writing

1.(5)

we had to write out like

1.how many more casualties died in world war II than in world war I?

(5)400,000 more died in world war II than in world war I.

dude it totally pissed me off. i kept wanting to stab her so bad, but i just jkept thinking dude you cant do that, shes a teacher, you cant stab the teacher, im starting to hate that school for reall, cuz it just gets on my nerves now days, i dont wanna leave it cuz i like talking to *d* and tee all day. its better than west hi was for sure. but it just makes me wana drop out all together you know? i just hope that the weekend is better than last weekend, cuz shit, i dont wanna be walking around in western hills with my right hand feeling like its gonna totally fall off. you know? well see ya,

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞Co-Dependent
||2:27 pm||01/28/2004||
Most people don't care
Some people just fear
There's so much pressure
That our lives will feed us
Don't need a reason
I will get even
This is the season
Where I feel so manic
You hurt yourself
And blame me when you fall (codependent) You have lost control
And crashed into a wall (codependent)Life has found a way
Where karma slaps you in the face
You depend on me
For everything (codependent)
I am the bad seed
It fuels my own needs
I never was scared
To take my chances
I see the downfall
Cause I'm no social
I've got my own life
And you can't stand it
Codependent
Codependent
Codependent
Codependent
~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>
that song is so cool, i burned another cd today ive got like 5 now, the one i burned today had msi, adema, hot hot heat, the strokes, dope, icp, twiztid, incubus, kotton mouth kings, red hot chili peppers, story of the year, the strokes, dead poetic, and three days grace on it, its pretty cool but i prolly could have sorted them out better cuz some are crazy and then it gets heavy then soft and heavy again, i prolly could have made it soft then crazy then heavy, and it would have flowed better, but its in alphabetical order so it just sounds crazy.

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞my little box
||3:19 pm||01/27/2004||
Silent in my sanity
I live save inside my cell
In the darkness that surrounds me
I see my own special hell
Comfort in my suffering
Feeling warm inside this pain
Before I was coming down on me
I come on down again
I let you win, you come on to me
And you're so fucking brave
A chewed out lighten candle
Fell in my cool and empty cave
Somewhere in your world
They tell you this is what the people need
Doing all that shit on me
And leave me here to bleed
Cradle falls
(I live save inside my cell)
(In the darkness that surrounds me)
Unholy walls
Cradle falls, unholy walls
Cradle falls
Silent in my sanity
I live save inside my cell
In the darkness that surrounds me
I see my own special hell
Comfort in my suffering
Feeling warm inside this pain
Before I was coming down on me
I come on down again
You woke me out of my secret grave
You let your pretty world in
Cradle falls
(I live silently inside my cell)
(You woke me out of my sin)
Unholy walls
(You woke me out of my secret grave)
(You let your pretty world in)
Fall...
Now you're in my world
Did you dream it be so small
My little box was perfect
'Till you destroyed it all
My sanctety of sorrow gone
Forever in it's place
The sacred sweet of you
Is all that's left to taste
Feeling claustrofobic
Now my world is closing in
Subtle retrobusion
Where I am and where I've been
I'll take you to a place
You never knew could be
Curled up, in my little box
Cradle falls
>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>
makes you think dont it? first time i herd that song was when i watched ghost ship, its called my litte box, its a cool song and a awesome movie. today at school was ok, i had to take a picture for tee. i didnt smile but hey i was in it so she cant complain lol, (not like she would) but hell you know what i mean. ive been listening to anto flag and one of the old icp songs on my burned cd mass today and yesterday, my mom rented cabin fever and freddy vs jason. cabin fever was kinda wierd, but i already saw freddy vs jason the first day it came out. its a cool movie, just not anything new, u know?

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞all toys get thrown in the toybox sometimes
||1:01 pm||01/26/2004||
my mom finally uploaded our pictures from cavelcade, we went friday night, (the same day i went to the doctors) anyways she saw this car with spikes on the bumper and she was like shell stand next to it. pretty much making fun of me, but hell i did it anyways, heres the link so uh click here you cant exactly see my face, you an see the side of it, and i had my brew crew hoodie an my "sidewalk sweeper" pants on. i like the car though, i wish i would have taken a pic by this blue gto i saw, it was awesome. but i forgot to ask my mom. we didnt have school today cuz of the snow we got last night. i might go outside and play in it later, well maybe i dunno, it all depends on if i feel like playing in it later. i helped my dad dig out the truck last night, then we shoveled the walk, and our front steps, i thought it was gonna be mass work but it wasent, i guess im getting hyper active again. hopeully, but hell who knows, cuz it seems like a few years ago i was too hyper to control, and now all i do is lay around and sleep, im all mellowed out now. like i did 180, think i might be depressed? miserable? i think im winding down, i just wish someone would wind me back up.

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞blizzard
||7:59 pm||01/25/2004||
dude its been snowing all day, its such bullshit, last nite it was cold as a muther fucker, me my sis n my cousin and thier two guys walked outside for almost 3 hours in the cold last nite, oh god my hands and feet were hurting like hell because they were so damn cold. i was freaking out cuz for a few minutes i couldnt move them ive learned a valuble lesson, (never smoke outside in the cold when you have no gloves on!) my arm still hurts from getting a shot friday, it sucks monkey balls. but hell im just glad my fingers didnt fall off :) next time we go on a "adventure" ill take a heavy coat and some gloves. anyways we walked around western hills like from my cousin ashleys house (by west high) to target, then best buy, then thriftway, up by cd warehouse, then o ameristop to get coffee, and back through targets parking lot heading back to ashleys house. i was thinking about walking to western roller rama and fucking with the preps but we didnt.

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞man who sold the world,
||2:32 pm||01/22/2004||
We passed upon the stair
We spoke of was and when
Although I wasn't there
He said I was his friend
Which came as a surprise
I spoke into his eyes
I thought you died alone
A long long time ago
Oh no, not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With The Man Who Sold The World
I laughed and shook his hand
And made my way back home
I searched for form and land
For years and years I roamed
I gazed a gazely stare
At all the millions here
I must have died long ago
A long, long time ago
Who knows?
Not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With the Man who Sold the World
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

i feel down today like im eblow everyone. i dont know what it is, i felt good all day talking to the people at school. i think its just this house that puts me into a funk, like just sitting in it. as soon as i walked outside i thought i was gonna have a nice walk home but no such luck. dad was waiting right outside. he saw *D* and asked if he was fucked up or something because he came outside looking around, i was like "uh... no hes just acting goofy i guess" he always acts goofy, he was prolly maing fun of somebody like he always does. lately i havent been all drooling over him like i used to, i guess it was just a crush you know? maybe i already fazed out of it. or something. which is shitty but not really you know? but hell i guess it aint the end of the world, i guess he really was just something pretty to look at. cuz he just isnt as cute as i used to think he is, lol im so mean i swear. anyways tim called last night, had a nice talk with him, hes so goofy. but hell atleast hes something pretty to look at and makes me laugh. *D* makes me laugh too but i dont really see him as a boyfriend you know? hes just lke one of the guys now, pretty much like tee and nick, which is cool, i am always up fpr more buds, so hey i guesssomething good really did come out of it. as tim says sweet shit

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞violet
||7:13 pm||01/21/2004||
And the sky was made of amethyst.
And all the stars were just like little fish.
You should learn when to go.
You should learn how to say no.
Might last a day, yeah. Minus forever.
Might last a day, yeah. Minus forever.
When they get what they want,
then they never want it again.
They get what they want,
and they never want it again.
Go on, take everything,
take everything,
I want you to.
Go on,
take everything,
take everything,
I want you to.
And the sky was all violet.
I want again,
but violent,
more violent.
And I'm the one with no soul.
One above and one below.
Might last a day, yeah.
Minus forever.
Might last a day,
yeah. Minus forever.
When they get what they want,
then the never want it again.
And they get what they want,
and they never want it again.
Go on,
take everything,
take everything,
I want you to.
Go on,
take everything,
take everything,
I dare you to.
I told you from the start,
just how this would end.
When I get what I want,
then I'll never want it again.
Go on,
take everything,
take everything,
I want you to.
Go on,
take everything,
take everything......
~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>
my life in the form of a song by hole, :( i guess things look bright. then they dim, and they get dark yet again. so funny how rock stars make sngs that make me think you fucking bastards how do u know what im feeling? lol im sure they didnt but it just makes me think you know?

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞im lost wihout you
||3:12 pm||01/19/2004||
i looked at my site n i saw that it looks rather neglected, i guess ill work on it tommoorw after school, im not gonna be home today, i might buy me a new cd today, but ill prolly have to get more cigs today or tommoorw, ive got like a lil over half a pack left. i dont wanna go to school tomorow its gonna be really boring, which is gonna suck mean mad ugly monkey balls. i think ive got another tooth coming in cuz my gum keeps feeling funny in the way back of my mouth, its like its swollen but something is piercing through it. its pissing me off really bad cuz it messes with it everytime i close my mouth. which is bullshit. i gotta go to the doctors friday i know them fuckers are gonna stick me with a needle or something. i hate doctors, hospitals and all that bullshit. they always give me a shot everytime i go, no matter if i need it or not they say "oh you need a booster," or "we need to draw blood" or "oh you need a tetnis shot" why in the hell do i need so many fucking shots? i guess they like sticking me in the arm with shit, half of the stuff i dont even know wats in it, which is so stupid. i was listening to lost without you by blink 182 today, i thought about tim all day, i keep thinking about him non stop. am i obsessed? am i still in love with him? i thought i was over him, i guess im going back into that infatuation with him again, or am i really in love with him? why is it so hard to tell? its like one minute im not thinking about him, and the next im like oh man i wonder what hes doing, i hate being like that. what am i gonna do if we get back together? i just hope i dont get clingy like i did before, cuz i kno that had to of gotten on his nerves.

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞julian
||11:43 pm||01/18/2004||

You're Julian Casablancas! You're an amazing
songwriter. Boy you can crank out the classics!

Are you Bono, Liam Gallagher, or Julian Casablancas?
brought to you by Quizilla wootness im julian again :)

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞i just read your letter.. dsaid hat you will be gone for a while..
||5:35 pm||01/18/2004||
ive been thinking and i dont know if i want him back or not, am i an idiot? shouldnt i be like so happy and like up his ass 24-7 or something? i think im used to being alone now, since like when me n him broke up, maybe thats it, but im thinking my most fear right now is i lost him before what if i lose him again? im not gonna be able to deal with that ain again, i think im being cautious. maybe thats the reason for the doubts and the re-thinking. you know? who knows maybe im just paranoid. maybe im not, he might not ask me out at all, which dosent really sound that bad at this point, i sound really cold dodnt i. maybe im just bitchy, yeah thats prolly whats it. i guesst ill have to wait and see. it might work out this time. it might last longer than a few months like last time, but then again it might only last a week. thats the only thing that i hate about relationships/friends/life you never know what is gonna happen next. and things can always turn and blow up in your face quicker than you can say "oopps" i went to turtle creek flea market today, i didnt buy much, actually i only bouht one thing, it was a arm band with a happy bunny on it that says "hi loser" i thought it was cute so i bought it. i was looking for a cd booth so i could buy a cd but they only had 3 of them and none of them had the cd i wanted, i went into one and looked at the patches and the only one i thought looked good at all was one my mom pointed out that said saxon on it, the rest was like janes adiction and guns and roses patches like stuff thats cool but i dont listen to it enough to go out and buy a patch with the band on it. i guess ill have to go to media play and buy it instead. i called circle cd and cd warehouse and they didnt have it. maybe media play will have it in he used section, any ways my mom got us a cd burner so thats kinda cool, ill be able to burn some cds. anyways i guess ive had alot of time to think today when i was walking around, and i think i might be able to make a decission now.

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞today is the greatest day ive ever known.
||5:57 am||01/17/2004||
dude me n tim might be getting back together which is like so fucking awesome, you know? anyways i was bored as hell today talked to him, and felicia, i cant wait to go back to school cuz im not sure im gonna see him anytime this weekend. i dont care last night was enough so im not gonna milk it you know? anyways we saw scary movie 3 which was ehhh not exactly as funny as the other ones but i think i laughed like 3 times during the whole movie, so it was way over rated, oh well i had fun so i dont care how lame the movie was. i saw ugly ass melanie which was not on my list of things to do, we all fliped her off when her and her friend pulled out of the parking lot. it was cold as hell outside last night. but i had my hoodie so i didnt care. ive been thinking about it today and im not sure if i want to get back with tim you know? its like should i?? shouldnt i? ive been wanting to get back with him and when its about to happen i get doubts.. why does this always happen? its so typical.

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞

its better to burn out than to fade away

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