Right through Christmas just the same

The priest came up to me all up in arms

He said: "Devil boy, what have you done?"

Hey devil boy

We're gonna blow you're house in

Hey devil boy

What do you think of that?

For heaven's sakes

It's only been 2000 years

I can't wait any longer for you

The Jesuits rolled in their tanks to my front door

While the Capuchins held a love-in on my front porch

The Augustinians kept to themselves, stuck their tongues out in a row

They said, "Devil boy, it's off to hell you go!"

Hey devil boy

We're gonna blow you're house in

Hey devil boy

What do you think of that?

For heaven's sakes

It's only been 2000 years

I can't wait any longer for you

Ans so I'll sit and pray for her to call me there

And I'll burn that bridge a 1000 times, on the cross I bear

Just to wonder if you're listening from a soap box in the sky

To finally realize my price, was it you or I?

Hey devil boy

We're gonna blow you're house in

Hey devil boy

What do you think of that?

For heaven's sakes

It's only been 2000 years

I can't wait any longer for you

For heaven's sakes

I'd give away eternity

If you would come back to me, if you would come back to me

If you would come back to me, if you would come back to me

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

i got minutes again on my phone, i texted chad most fo the day and most of the night last night. its so wierd how the other day i was basically ready to jump down his neck and rip out his vocal cords. you know? and last night it was like none of that had ever happened, he was sweet as can be, i guess he was just glad that his birthday is today, lol hes 19 today, wow hes old n wrinkly lol, nah but hell i wonder if he cares that im still a minor.. ya know? who knows i hope he dont mind, but hell its only for a few more months then ill be legal, my sis says h tahts bad you could get in trouble!! ur 17 and hes 19!! dude who cares? hes my honey, and it dont matter how old he is, you know? as long as hes not 30 im fine. lol anyways i gotta go get a shower, and get all cleaned up fpr tonight, saweeet!!!!!

personal disfunction
||1:53 pm||03/30/2004||

You represent... naivete.

So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at
times, but it's only because you're not sure
how to act. You give off that "I need to
be protected vibe." Remember that not all
people are good. Being too trusting will get
you easily hurt.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

wow am i that bad lol. oh well i guess its the social anxiety making me shy around new people kinda the way i was around chad at first.

heres my personality dissorder test

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

pretty messed up huh? who knows what it means, im not sure myself, i guess im just afraid of people??? maybe im just afraid period?? i dunno, maybe nothing. i dunno, im not mad at chad anymore, i was thinking about breaking up with him but i thought about it and if i cant get through one fight with him then im not eactly a good gurlfriend am i? eveery relationship has its flaws, and we went almost 2 months with no arguement so it was about time i guess who knows, but hopefully hes not mad anymore, and im not mad now, so i hope things are fine and that he will be happy on his birthday in like 3 or 4 days, ya know?

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞the one
||9:40 pm||03/29/2004||
How long have I been standing here my friend

Has it been so long

I've been spreading myself so thin

And I've been so wrong

I wanna be the one you run to

And I wanna be your only one

I wanna be the one you turn to

And I wanna be the one

Why did all the good times turn to sin

And has it been so long

I've been standing here in my footprints

And I am so wrong

You shine on me all the good times with you

Where all the smiles belong

You trust in me to save the last tear for you

Cause I've been so wrong

Hey now its been so long

Hey hey won't you believe in me

Hey now I've come so far

How now won't you believe in me

Frustrations...My aberrance

My time...In my life

I can't be what you see in me

I can't be

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

today has been so wierd chad was acting so funny over the week end. i was asking a few people like cgharles and stuff if i should break up with him and he said no that chad likes me, that he "loves" me and that he would be devestated.. i highly doubt it would hurt him that bad. who knows what goes on in his head sometimes. i think he would prolly just shrug it off and get someone new if i did. its only been a month or two he cant like me that much already it just aint possible. i dont know i still wanna be with him its just that he cant keeep acting like he did over the weekend. i cant put up with it.

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞soil music
||2:30 pm||03/28/2004||
man i cant wait til the new soil cd comes out, i think it came out already, i gotta get to the store, i found a site with a sampler from redefine,
Pride
Redefine
Can You Heal Me
Remember
Something Real
Cross My Heart
dude that band is so fucking cool. :) but yeah i havent made shit for my site yet since the other day. ive been thinking alot about chad, .

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞all my problems,
||4:40 pm||03/27/2004||
by now

i should have been somwhere

or gone to school, or fixed my hair

back down

tell it to someone else

who gives a shit and needs your help

cos i found

what i needed

and i don't need you to tell me how you feel

and if i fall

you are not the one that has to cope and deal

all my problems are for me

my god

look at his tattoos and those earrings

he could never get

a good job

go home and beat your kids

so they don't turn out as bad as me

cos i found

what i needed

and i don't need you to tell me how you feel

and if i fall

you are not the one that has to cope and deal

all my problems are for me

i don't need your eyes to see

i will be what i will be

stop coming around cause you bother me

stupid mutherfucker pull your head out your ass and see

what don't you get, was i stuttering

i don't need to take your shit get away from me

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

my hand finally went back down its not all swollen, i can type again which means i can work on my site more when i get some more spare time, tonight wont be cool, i gota get ready in an hour or so, yeah thats not gonna work. man my belly hurts really bad i dont feel like going out really but i guess its pay backds for making chad go out when he was sick last week. but yeah i was looking at mandys aperfect circle cd and i wasw ondering if the chick on the front notices that she has a yellow slug on her face.. you think?? it dont seem like it lol. but anyways im dumb i think about stupid shit. but yeah chad called me today and said i sounded pittiful, i was like uh.. thanks... i guesss. such a nice thing to say to your gurl when shes not feeling 100% huh? but oh well ill get him back later, ill make him carry me around and wear his fat ass out hah! lol that was mean, but yeah thats the idea, he better be nice to me later or ima leave him in western hills lol.

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞purple people eater.
||8:59 am||03/25/2004||
man im so bored im not in school right now because i hurt my hand yesterday wen i was pissed. dude yesterday sucked majorly, jen was acting shady, and jason was calling people in his office telling them to go home and stuff, then my sister was acting funny too, being dumb and stupid stuff like that, i got so mad esterday that i punched the tv, and now my right hand looks gross, its all purple and swelled up, i wonder if soaking in the tub will help, who knows, i just hope its not like that over the weekend, i can barely make a fist, and now i have to type with my left hand, i cant write at all, i tried writing somehing down yesterday and it looked like a kindergarter wrote it. anyways i made some avs last night they look shitty i guess cuz i couldnt draw straight on a couple,



anyways im gonna add those on my site and put them on my forum so people on my forum can use them too. anyways i still have to change the look on my forum again, i tarted on it already but i cant type html right now because of my hand which sucks because i need both hands to type html. i also need to change the graphics on theer too so they will match with the new colors, anyways ima go put some ice on my hand so it will stop turning purple and maybe make the swelling go down.

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞oh the possibilities.
||2:00 pm||03/23/2004||
man today was boring, nothing much happened at school, just work, acted stupid like any other day and went home, i got a good nights sleep last night which was good, it didnt get rid of the dark circles around my eyes though, i think i gotta do something else to get rid of them. im not sure yet on what i have to do, but hell we will see. anyways i checked my online fortune cookie and heres what it said "You are the guiding star of his existence." i wonder what they mean by that. (am i important or something lol. but yeah, chads birthday is next weekend and i still gotta figure out soemthing to buy him, i wanna buy him something cool, but i dont know what he would like you know? and i wanna take him out so he can have fun, i wonder if he would want a cd or something? i dont knwo im clueless on what to get him, i was thinking maybe a killer watch, like one of those ones with the wide bands with the spikes on it, i just dont know where to buy one, or how much they would be. i thought about maybe buying him one of those neclaces or a collar with spikes on it, but i dont think he wears jewelry, i mean ive never seen any on him. hes a jock, what can i get a jock? who knows, hopefully ill think of something, but yeah i miss him, maybe i should buy him a pretty kit for his phone or something, or maybe get him one of those new nokia 2260's they look cute but it would look kinda small in his hand, maybe a new beanie? or something. he looks really cute in those, but yeah im kinda clueless. anyways i found a bunch of my moms old vynils, like a stevie nicks one, and a couple blondie, and a few pink floyd, she had a bunch of led zeplin, and Ac~Dc but i dont know what happened to them. well im gonna go web surfing for gift ideas, i guess if that dosent work im off to hot topic or spencers.

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞just like the white winged dove....
||2:40 pm||03/22/2004||
man today was so boring at school, ive been so tired lately, i guess the bags under my eyes are returning cuz they are getting so purple chad thought i had a black eye. iguess its just from the insomnia ive been fighting lately, today i felt like going to sleep all day in school but i couldnt. anyways i made thease when i got home
i gotta find more glitter colors here soon, but hell i gotta find a site with the glitter squares first cuz just plain blue is just dumb lol. but hell ive been thinking about chad all day, i miss him alot even though i just talked to him yesterday. but i guess im glad i dont see him everyday cuz i dont wanna get tired of him or have him get tired of me, ya know? cuz hes like a really nice guy n i like him alot :) anyways i was thinking about maing glitter smiley faces, or something pretty like that. anyways i might be making things for members on my forum later, which would be cool, ya know?

oh yeah and another shelly n chad one lol. im a geek hehe

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞chaddy
||4:27 pm||03/21/2004||
i took a quiz today, and heres my results, pretty cool huh?

anyways ive been making stuff on psp, like this sponge bob, i still gotta figure out how to make things transparent on there again lol im a blonde i swear.

and i made this one when i got bored, so i decided to make something that says chadwick(chads nickname)

yeah but im happy cuz i got to chill with him last night and act stupid lol. he called me today which was cooll, he wanted to see if i could go watch dawn of the dead but i wasent alowed to go. grr lol. but yeah hes so cool cuz he came out to see me last night even though he was feeling sick, (awww!!) but yeah he called today and was like im feeling better (which im glad he is cuz i was feling bad cuz he was sick last night you know?) but yeah i need to get minutes on my phone again cuz now i-wireless dont allow people with zero balances to recieve thier texts that people send them which is total bull shit you know?? its like gahhh!!! i have to have minutes to actually recieve a text. which is dumb because soon they are gonna cost money to recieve text, like how it is to send them. (when will the greed end??) but yeah hopefully i get mine turned back on soon ya kno? anyways heres some more stuff i made


im putting the second one on my forum as an av for members to use :)

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞chadwick
||11:30 pm||03/19/2004||
man today was cool, i chilled at my grandmas, and held ashleys baby, shes so cute, except she kept crying and she slept most of the time, which was cool, im just glad she didnt puke on me or something lol.but yeah i called chads cell and messed with him for a lil bit just to be stupid u know? i was talking to him acting stupid and i want to see him so bad, but i gotta wait til 2morrow for that. i was teasing him calling him a hill billy and he was like "i dont run around barefoot i aint no hill billy," lol hes so dumb, then me n ashley was pranking her ex, which was funny cuz bub grabbed the phone and started talking like a retard going "hellow.. this is steve," pissing brandon off. then he called him abck and was like oh dude ran out of minutes lol hes so stupid but its so fucking funny, but hell chad was acting kinda funny like he wasent thrilled to talk to me or something, you know? i wonder if hes getting bored of me, i hope not, cuz i really like him you know? :( i miss my chadwick alot. :(

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞did my time
||1:34 pm||03/18/2004||
Realized I can never win
Sometimes I feel like I have failed
Inside where do I begin
My mind is laughing at me
Tell me why am I to blame
Aren't we suppose to be the same
That's why I will never tame
This thing that's burning in me
I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldn't last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing me
Sometimes I can never tell
If I've got something after me
That's why I just beg and plead
For this curse to leave me
Tell me why am I to blame
Aren't we suppose to be the same
That's why I will never tame
This thing that's burning in me
I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldn't last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing me
Betrayed
I feel so enslaved
I really Tried
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldn't last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing me
Oh God, the anger's changing me
korn
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
man today was cool cept i got pegged with a snow ball a few times, which wasent cool. but it was fun, i mean it was like a small snowball fight cuz not much snow is left on the ground any where but it was still fun finding some and packing n slinging it. but hell, i liked yesterday better cuz i got to talk to chad, he called when i walked in the door yesterday which was cool, id rather see him but ill settle for a phone call until the weekend, ya know? but i miss him mass and he was ebing so sweet on the phone so i cant wait to see him, i found a bunch of cute clothes in my closet yesterday just collecting dust, pretty cool huh? i found one of my blue shirts that i bought a while ago and never wore, and two pairs of pants that were brandnew with the tags still on them, which is awesome because now i have something to wear saturday when we go to the pool hall. :) yeah buddyy. lol but yeah i dont know if im gonna play or if im gonna sit ther again like last week, well we'll see. saturday is two days away woot! hehe!

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞Try honesty
||1:45 pm||03/15/2004||
Well I tripped, I fell down naked
I scratched my knees, they bled
Sew up my eyes, need no more
In our game there is no score

Forgive me father, why should you bother?
Try honesty, Try honestly
Hop in your dumptruck, reverse for good luck
Ride over me, Ride over me
Take on the whole world, fight with the young girls
Die tragedy, Die tragedy
Call me a cheapskate, come on for pete's sake
Cry Agony, Cry agony

I'm insane, it's your fault, so sly
Your well of lies ran dry
And I cut the cord, free fall
From so high we seem so small'

Forgive me father, why should you bother?
Try honesty, Try honestly
Hop in your dumptruck, reverse for good luck
Ride over me, Ride over me
Take on the whole world, fight with the young girls
Die tragedy, Die tragedy
Call me a cheapskate, come on for pete's sake
Cry Agony, Cry Agony

I talk to you

I'm insane, it's your fault
Try
I'm insane, it's your fault
Cry
I'm insane, it's your fault
Cry

Forgive me father, why should you bother now?
Forgive me father, why should you bother now?

Forgive me father, why should you bother?
Try honesty, Try honestly
Hop in your dumptruck, reverse for good luck
Ride over me, Ride over me
Take on the whole world, fight with the young girls
Die tragedy, Die Tragedy
Call me a cheapskate, come on for pete's sake
Cry Agony, Cry Agony

Cry Agony, Cry Agony
Cry Agony, Cry Agony
Cry Agony, Cry Agony
billy talent
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
man i got chad on the brain, its fucking retarded lol, i havent talked to him today, and i miss him so much! i cant wait til the weekend. wootness! lol, but hell ive been thinking so much about shit that its cutting into my sleepy time. but hell i havent really been getting much sleep lately, well not like i used to. im used to sleeping after i get home from school, then going to bed at like 12 or 1 and sleeping til like 8:30 and then going to school, but i havent been able to do that lately ive been staying awake all day, and waking up every other hour at night, its bullshit i swear. but yeah saturday night ws like the only night that i got good sleep last wek, as soon as i got home from rack n roll i was hit lol and just went straight to sleep, and actually slept the whole night which was awesome, i guess i didnt sleep friday night cuz i was mad cuz i didnt get to see chad. but i talked to him all night until 3:30 in the morning. which was cool cuz i like talking to him, he always makes me smile n laugh when i talk to him. i gotta get a picture of him soon so i can stick it on my binder lol. god im love sick lol

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞redefine
||2:37 pm||03/14/2004||

First Sign
Turns me round again
Brings me face to face with my sin
I’ve got it
Oh is that it
A reason to look within now
Take blood*
To your son again
Burns the sin
Strait from my hands
I’ve got it 
Oh I that it
A reason to live within now

Every time I fall 
You catch me
And every time I lose control
You help me you save me
And every time I lose myself
You find me redefine me

My god 
Think my hands have been*
Makes me sick from inside out again
I’ve got it
Oh is that it?
A reason to look within now
Stand close
To my side again
Never stuck a knife in my back friend
I’ve got it 
oh is that it?
a reason to live within now

Every time I fall 
You catch me
And every time I lose control
You help me you save me
And every time I lose myself
You find me redefine me

Somebody to make me feel whole again
Life gets better
Somebody to make me wanna love again
Life gets better
Somebody to make me see the sun again
Life gets better
Somebody to hold me
Hold me
Life feels better

Every time I fall…

Every time I lose control 
You help me you save me
Every time I lose myself 
You find me redefine me
And Every time I hate myself
You love me forgive me
Every time I lose myself
You find me redefine me

soil
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
dude last nite was so cool i got to see my baby, and got to watch him play pool at rack n roll. he kept telling me to play but i sat down the hole time which was cool too cuz i got to see him play. hes kinda good at it, he kept telling me to get up and walk to his end of the pool table when it was his turn to break, cuz he was "scared that a ball would hit me in the face or something" lol hes a dork. but shit, hes sweet as hell. anyways we walked to target an i was looking at belts and purses, i had a bunch of the belts on the rack, and we looked at sunglasses and chad saw thease ones with sponge bob on the lenses which were totally cute but they didnt have them in adult sizes they were lil kid glasses. and i saw some chrome nail polish, lol wouldnt taht look kinda funny on someones nails?? wouldnt u think? i also saw some starburst lipsmackers, i was gonna buy some but hell i didnt feel like it. anyways chad liked the cd i burned for him, :) yay! lol but yeah he was like "awww" hehhe

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞

its better to burn out than to fade away

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