With my love,

That's all she's ever needed, from me

It's my time, to mother,

One of my own in my life,

I am so alone, left with no one

In my life, I'm so alone

Life submissiveness,

Hypnotizing the ignorant a little boy's best friend's always his

mother,

At least that's what she said,

Life of a simple man,

Taught that everyone else is dirty,

And their love is meaningless,

I'm just a soiled dirty boy,

I'm just a soiled dirty boy,

Sheltered life innocence,

Insulated memories, spark reflections of my head,

Duality in my consciousness,

Caught in the war of hemispheres,

Between the love lost in my head,

Mommy do you still live inside of me,

I'm so lost in my life without any guiding,

Protected me my whole life from everything,

Nailed shut the doors to the shrine,

To screen your dead eyes from me and my sickness,

Mutilate and sew my new clothes for masquerading,

Aprons of flesh corpse scalped hair with skin upon my face,

Deliver the remains from her womb of earth,

Prep the rack and tie up for new love's rebirth,

Covert understanding of novice surgery,

I'll focus concentration and only take just what I need

For sickness I'm masticating,

Dancing and masturbating,

Celebrate in fields of night with skin upon my face

If I soak my hands in others blood am I sick,

If I wash my hands in others blood am I sick,

If I drench myself in others blood am I sick,

If I bathe myself in others blood

Blame mother for the sickness,

Mutilate and sew my new clothes for masquerading,

Aprons of flesh corpse scalped hair with skin upon my face,

Dance and masturbate in night light by myself..

Nothing is left for me to gain they're coming to take me far

away,

Life of a simple man taught that everyone else is dirty and love is

meaningless

I'm so soiled

Soiled

mudvayne

¸¸.· ¸¸.·´¯`·»¸¸.· ¸¸.·´¯`·»«·´¯`·.¸¸.·

man today sucked i was too sick to go to school today, which blew becuase i was stuck at home with the dog, and i hate being here duuring the day and l;ol during the night, i hate being in this house period but there was no way i was going to school feeling the way i do and then taking the walk home, i wouldnt have made it lol. but anyways i guess the italian genes my grandma left me are kicking in even more, i mean i got rid of the love handles but thats not the problem, ive noticed when she was upset she would clean, so does my aunt, and thats what i did yesterday, while i was upset i slept from 3:00 to about 4:30, then tee called and then john, and after i got done eating i just sat in my room, i had no smokes so i couldnt go out n smoke on the porch, so i cleaned my room, i cleaned all the mirrors on my dresser, and my tv, my tv stand, my radio my scooby doo alarm clock. and i cleaned up the mirrors in my bathroom, and cleaned up the floor a lil bit i guess if i kep myself busy i can keep myself from crying when im upset or sad. because if i just sit there then i just have my mind focused on not bieng happy then i start crying mass and just sit there feeling bad and i hate doing that i really do, it just makes you feel like nothing at all, which is really shitty. anyways i havent talked to chad today i just got out of bed maybe an hour ago, i guess i prolly wouldnt have been very upset if i had been able to talk 2 him about it maybe he could have made me feel better. but hell tomorrows friday so hopefully i have a good weekend and everything will be all better hopefully.

sympathetic
||9:14 pm||03/10/2004||
And my words will be here when I’m gone
As I’m fading away against the wind
And the words you left me linger on
As I’m failing again now, never to change this

And I’m sympathetic,
never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam

And it seems I’m alone here, hollow again
As I’m flailing again against the wind
And the scars I am left with swallow again
As I’m failing again now, never to change this

And I’m sympathetic,
never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam
And I’m sympathetic,
never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam

The same old feelings are taking over
and I can’t seem to make them go away
And I can’t take all the pressure sober,
but I can’t seem to make it go away
The same old feelings are taking over
and I can’t seem to make them go away
And I can’t take all the pressure sober
(I can’t make it go away. I can’t make it go away)

And I’m sympathetic,
never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam
And I’m sympathetic,
never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam
And I’m falling, falling, falling,
falling, falling, falling, falling
Apart again at the seam.
seether

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞one thing
||12:45 pm||03/10/2004||
Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It’s nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line
If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something
I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time
But not this time
Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds
If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something
If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something
Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds
Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds
If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something
If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something
finger 11
·:*:· ·:*:· ·:*:· ·:*:· ·:*:· ·:*:· ·:*:· ·:*:· ·:*:· ·:*:·
today was so great, im in a great mood i love chad so much, never in a million years did i ever think i could eveer find someone like him, i mean last night we texted eachother for hours talking about stuff hes so sweet i told him shit about my past things i hate to talk about and he was so sweet about it, i mean ive never been with a guy whos treated me this good, hes the sweetst guy ever. i was just laying down playing with the cat and he texted me at like 12 and said "turn it on w.e.b.n" and i did, and he was like "thats my song to you," it was one thing by finger 11, and he was like "your my one thing." awww!!!!!!!! i told him i dint deserve him, and i really dont think i do, i would never deserve a guy this great in a million years, hes just so nice and sweet and he makes me feel good about myself when i talk 2 him and when im with him, its like he makes everything go away. its so wierd ive never had this before, hes beautiful to me, i mean before people would say oh yor dudes ugly, and it would make me look at them and see flaws in how they act or things they say, or really look at them and se how ugly they really were to me, but hes so different, i mean i hought love was bullshit before but he makes me think different, i want him around all the time, i want to just see his face, i miss him an hour after we hang out, he makes me happy again, just by hearing his voice, its like when hes with me i feel no pain,

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞shove
||11:58 am||03/09/2004||
bill collector called today
shove
IRS is on my pay
shove
my boss says i should comb my hair
shove
my father think's that i'm nowhere
get out of my way or i might shove
get out of my way or i'm gonna shove
landlord doesn't like my dog
shove
my eyes are burning from the smog
shove
the neighbors say i jam too loud
shove
America thinks it should be proud
get out of my way or i might shove
get out of my way or i'm gonna shove
some guy just pinched my ass
shove
drunken bums ain't go no class
shove
the club says we won't get paid
shove
it's been months since i've been laid
get out of my way or i might shove
get out of my way or i'm gonna shove
l7
`'._.'`'._.'`'._.'`'._.'`'.
dude today was so crazy at school man, we all got to go home early, cuz jason went out n checked his mail and was like "if theres a check in this envelope you guys get to go home" then he opened it and it was undecided, he popped out with another one and was like "ill give u guys one more chance" and it looked like and envelope for like a wedding invitation or something and it had a green piece of paper and a check inside! i was like yeah boi we get to go home!! woot! woot! which was awesome he said "let me go check with jen and if she says its ok then hey yall get to leave" so michelle went in and came back out looking all sad and was like go clean up the room and go home. which was totally awesome, i totally thought she was gonna say "guys we gotta do math then go home at 1." but she didnt so i was happy, i had like 4 somkes at school today which was kinda wierd i usually have 2 or three i guess i was just happy or had a good feeling about today. man i had chad on my mind all day, hes so sexy and i cant stop thinking about him, his cute lil cheeks and his pretty eyes, and hes so squishy, he looked so cute saturday i cant wait til this weekend to see him again,

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞[monkey wrench]
||2:51 pm||03/08/2004||
What have we done with innocence
It disappeared with time
it never made much sense
Adolescent resident
wasting another night on planning my revenge
One in ten
don't want to be your monkey wrench
one more indecent accident
i'd rather leave than suffer this
I'll never be your monkey wrench
All this time to make amends
what do you do when all your enemies are friends
now and then I'll try to bend
under pressure wind up snapping in the end
One last thing before I quit
I never wanted any more
than I could fit into my head
I still remember every single word you said
and all the shit
that somehow came along with it
still there's one thing that comforts me
since I was always caged and now I'm free
fall in fall out
foo fighters «·´¨*·.¸¸.·´¨*·.¸¸·´¨*·.¸¸.·´¨*·.¸¸.»
today was kinda cool, kinda crazy, a few people in my class was laughing at the way i say "dude" but hell i guess its some funny thing or somethin, oh well i dunno, but i was thinking about saturday night all day today, i miss him already which sucks because the weekend isnt for another 3 days, so ya thats a long time lol not really but u know, but uh i need to go get me a pair of buttons and a new face for my nokia, i might just get a new flashing kit for it or something. i dunno, maybe, i still gotta buy buttons then anyways, anyways gotta go clean house and text my baby, woot~ woot!

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞45
||4:41 pm||03/07/2004||
Send away for a priceless gift
One not subtle, one not on the list
Send away for a perfect world
One not simply, so absurd
In these times of doing what you're told
You keep these feelings, no one knows

What ever happened to the young man's heart
Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart

And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45,
Swimming through the ashes of another life
No real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45

Send a message to the unborn child
Keep your eyes open for a while
In a box high up on the shelf, left for you, no one else
There's a piece of a puzzle known as life
Wrapped in guilt, sealed up tight

What ever happened to the young man's heart
Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart

And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45,
Swimming through the ashes of another life
No real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45

Everyone's pointing their fingers
Always condemning me
And nobody knows what I believe
I believe

And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45,
Swimming through the ashes of another life
No real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45

♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠ ♠
last night rocked i went and met up with chad, chilled with him for a few hours, and walked around with him the only downside was i brought miranda, and she got annoying which sucked major monkey balls. we walked around the crossing last night and theres a couple places to sit down, and everytime we sat down she wanted to get right back up and walk some more, its so dumb i never bugged her and ahs when they were with thier dudes, but oh well next time i wont bring her ya know, oh well thats over but anyways im getting my hair cut again, i already know how i want it cut and everything, i told chad and he said "not too short" and well it wont be much shorter than it is now, so hats will prolly please him and me too. but the style i ahve now has got to go its getting on my nerves really bad, but ill post some pics when i get it done, :) but anyways i think chads bringing out my girly side, i mean i wanna go shopping now and look all pretty... yuck!!!! lol but hell i saw thease shoes at shoe carnival yesterday and they were so cute i dont know if im gonna buy them or not, i might, but i gotta get clothes that match them, and a cute purse. yuck listen to me all gurly, chad was being so dumb last night making fun of the way i say eww and stuff like that

∞ I ♥ Chad ∞

its better to burn out than to fade away

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